Scale Steppin' Sunday--Jan 30

+ 2.8 lbs. 

To be expected.  This was a rough week with a celebration thrown in.  So my EXCUSES follow:

EVALUATIONS:

I received evaluations for my work from those that I supervise.  Well, there is constructive criticism and there is down-right-mean-and-I-am-getting-back-at-you for an undefined reason criticism.  I felt that a lot of what was said isn't really about me; didn't truly define my personality.  But it made me very sad and stressed out.  Stress is definitely a fat trapper.  I feel a lot of stress and anxiety to make changes in a faster amount of time than I truly have.  I have to work through that and hope that it doesn't stress me out more and cause weight gain.

BIRTHDAY DINNER:

On Thursday, I went to a dinner party for a friend at a private club.  It was Nouveau Cuisine (french style) with lots of sea food in 6 courses.  Well, seven with the Amuse Bouche.  Everyone else had the wine pairings with each course.  I don't drink alcohol at all--I have enough problems with food that I don't need to add alcohol.

LUNCH WITH CO WORKER:

I went back to that fabulous club and had lunch the next day.  I love that place and I don't go often, so I had a nice lunch and cookie.  It was the day I got my evaluations.

NO WATER:

In my stress to accomplish a million things and attend every meeting and therapies (which I don't even want to put in its own category cause I am tired of discussing him and "it") for my son this week, I didn't drink waters this week.  I am a true believer (even if I am scientifically wrong) that not hydrating causes your body to retain water for fear of dehydration.  I haven't had my water next to me in days.  I've been drinking when I am thirsty, which is not a great thing. 

EXERCISE:

I worked out 4 times this week.  I woke up at 5 a.m. and followed my schedule.  Well, I also went full blast with the Jillian DVDs.  That woman is insane.  I felt the results yesterday and couldn't do anything because of the tightness in my lower body.  However, Sundays start my week and I will be exercising my regular scheduled routine today--this afternoon when baby is napping--YOGA.  I am also operating under my own theory that when you exercise after a long period of inactivity, your body doesn't allow for weightloss because it is repairing the things that are "ill" in the body first.  I didn't build muscles in 4 days, so I am not using that as an excuse. 

ALONE:

Hubby is traveling since Saturday.  I am alone with 3 kids for a few days.  This is common.  While it is a regular routine to be alone with the 3 kids, it is never going to be something I am used to.  The first night he is gone, I can't sleep.  The thoughts of all the things that could go wrong swirl in my head throughout the night.  The house is quiet and I start listening for any sound.  I feel like I am on "alert" mode.  That feeling doesn't allow me to unwind.  I can't undwind when I am trying to be ready to kick someone's ass who tries to break in. 

SEDENTARY WORK:

I do office work. I am behind a desk doing all day mostly.  I am typing at the computer.  The students come to me versus me going to them.  During great weather, I take a walk with my co-worker.  She and I would work out before work at home and still take time to walk together.  It was a great way to connect.  It is too cold and wet out there to go on the lake path that we take.  It is just ugly out there.

PMS:

I don't get a true period anymore.  Just spotting because of the IUD.  I still get the hormonal imbalance and moodiness.  I am sure I am a bit bloated and can feel some cramping as I write this.  I never truly know when my period is occurring.  Well, actually I do.  The zit on my chin is a big clue.  I hate adult acne.  My doctor told me to get rid of the simple sugars.  I already don't eat the white rice, white breads, on a regular basis.  If I do, it is a treat. 

Adding all those excuses together, I had a gain because things went downhill.

PLAN:

• Stick to fitness schedule this week (at least 5 days)
• Drink waters
• Do a destressing activity to relieve anxiety built up from work.
• At 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. I am going to take a 10 minute break to walk up and down the 5 flights of stairs at my job. 
• Take lunch and snacks to work to eliminate eating out. 

While I am again behind on achieving my goal, I am not going to get discouraged. I'm not willing to quit.  I know I can do it.  It may take me forever to fix my "head" to match my heart.  I will get it done.  And I realized this weekend, as I was weepy and reflective, I can't please everyone.  I have to make sure that I do what is best for the program I run.  I am not going to change my professionalism.  I think I am a pretty great gal, worker, and mom.  And Paula told me so.

How do you tackle a setback?

Inflexible . . .

This morning I went back to my 5 a.m. basics workout. I dragged myself out of bed (having slept in my workout clothes). Went downstairs.  Got on the treadmill and walked for 30 minutes with my hand weights. It was an easy walk.  I didn't want to strain myself because I am still coughing a bit at night and throughout the day.  I find that when I push myself too hard when I get back to exercise, I am more apt to find reasons to quit.

Once I finished my 30 minute walk (with 3 lb weights that I hold for 20 minutes and do curls, raises, kickbacks, punches, etc), I went to tackle Bob's Yoga. I chose the 20 minutes because I was sufficiently warmed up from the walking.  Let me just say, that doing weights on the treadmill then doing Yoga is not for the weak.  Try holding yourself up in plank for over a minute when your arms are limp noodles.  Yikes!

I was saddened to feel the loss of flexibility.  My heels came off the ground when I did my downward facing dog.  I had perfected it when I stopped.  But I know that with time and effort, I will get the flexibility back.  I also want to get my planks back.  I love feeling strong and able to hold up this body.

The Weekly Routine:

Mon:    30 minutes Cycling and 20 minutes 30 Day Shred
Tue:     30 minutes Walking and 20 minutes Yoga
Wed:    No More Trouble Zones by Jillian Michaels
Thu:     30 minute Cycling and 20 minutes 30 Day Shred
Fri:      30 minutes Walking and 20 minutes Yoga
Sat:      Burn Fat Boost Metabolism
Sun:     Bob Harpers' Yoga for the Warrior

I had gotten into the cycle of cardio and forsook my need for strength training and yoga.  The body burns fat more efficiently at rest when strength training is part of the fitness routine.  I want to be able to balance it all.  For at least a month, this will be my at home plan at 5 a.m. during the weekdays, and 7 a.m. during the weekends.

This workout plan, along with eating, should give me a steady loss.  I will ensure to take part in an activity everyday.  A laid out scheduled reduces my stress.

What is your "go to" workout routine?

Scale Steppin Sunday--Jan 23

I've lost another 1.1 lbs.  There is definitely something about journaling and being accountable for reporting by weighing in.  I know my loss could have been more this week.  I am very happy to get this.  It is one pound closer to my initial goal of getting to 199.  That is my sight line.  While my overall goal is 150, I am very certain that I would never reach 150 if I didn't focus small.  My perfectionist tendencies cause my to give up when it seems so insurmountable to reach.

The cough from my cold is nearly gone.  I haven't formally exercised this past week.  However, yesterday, we were watching my oldest play basketball.  The younger two were bored and tired of sitting watching a game they couldn't participate in.  I took them to the school's entrance area that also serves as the cafeteria.  The tables and chairs were up and out of the way leaving this ginormous space for running.  I ran around with the younger two pretending to be a zombie.  Then me and my son sprinted around trying to catch each other.  We ducked and spun around to avoid each other's touch.  They were out of breath.  And I felt recharged and exhilarated. 

So I will be back to exercise today.  I will just make sure to take a hit of my fast acting inhaler to keep my lungs clear before I do. 

Goals for week of Jan 23:

• Exercise 5 times this week

• Pack my meals and snacks and waters

• Do one thing a day for myself that isn't job related, kid related, house related, hubby related.

Breakfast tip:  It is out in the bloggosphere for oatmeal recipes that are very filling.  These few weeks, I've been eating very filling oatmeal that tastes like a PBJ.

1/2 c. of oats
1 c. of water
2 tbsp of cranberries
1 tbsp of peanut butter
2 tsp of brown sugar (served over cooked oatmeal).

I nuke all but the sugar in the microwave for 3 minutes.  I then sprinkle the sugar over the cooked oats and cover.  Transport to work.  Eat and not feel like eating until close to lunch, which is rare for me.

Fears:  I must honestly say that I've gotten here before and then I "freak" out and start overeating again.  In all honesty, I wasn't that great at the eating this week, but I made more good choices than the bad.  And yes, the Snickers (and mistakenly a Milky Way bar) made its way into my eating this week.  However, I tried to get back to task.  I am scared that I will say, "oh, why does this matter? I'll just gain the weight again."

Hubby and I will be getting our Kettle training soon because scheduling that is hard with all the individual responsibilities.  I will be getting back to my cardio with walking today and some Yoga for the plank work.  I love Chaturangas.  I am unhappy with my arms.  I saw 4 pics of me at a black tie affair and my arms were bare because of the sleeveless dress.  My arms were so soft and the skin loose looking.  I was very disappointed because for as "beautiful" as I looked (and it isn't vanity saying this), I could only focus on my arms.  It looked bigger than most other body parts.

What advice would you give me to not fail and revert to gaining weight when I am 3 lbs closer to my first goal?

Scale Steppin Sunday--Jan 16

I am down .9 lbs since Jan 9.

I've been sick ever since writing the last post. I suffer from Asthma, so colds and flu tend to linger. I cough day and night. No rest. Tired beyond words. But I still have responsibilities to the kids, house, and job. No exercise because there is no energy or enough breath.

I can't say that the weight loss is based on healthy eating and exercise.  Nor is it from water loss from lack of eating. You see, I took this week to give myself license to gorge; much like a pregnancy. I ate stuff that no one should eat. I rendezvous with Snickers. I consorted with very sugary sweet lattes. I canoodled with endless bowls of honey bunches of oats cereal.  It was awful.

Yesterday, hubby came home from a long business trip with Health Magazine for me.  He always buys me a magazine.  He knows how to take care of me. There is a diet in there that I am trying out for the next few weeks. The meals are totally doable (besides from the dairy, which I don't eat). I am ready to do a pre-planned diet. Although the magazine claims that one can lose 15 lbs by doing the circuit routine and diet. I am just interested in the diet, which comes to about 1200 for the 3 meals.  I will incorporate a couple of snacks in between: fruits and veggies with a protein (nuts or its butters).

As far as exercise, I will get back to a formal routine when my chest stops hurting from coughing up a lung. My neck hurts. My back throbs when I try to exhale all the air out so I can get a hit of my inhalers. This bites.

Postives this week:

Water:  I always drink my water, but because I need to quench my thirst and stop the irritation.  I am drinking (and peeing) more than is humanly necessary.

Weight loss:  I don't deserve it, but I am happy that I have it.  I will not allow myself to squander this small (but important) loss.

Vitamins:  I started back on my multivitamin that I stopped a while ago.  I desperately need the extra vitamins so I no longer get this sick.  This is the second time since the Fall that I've gotten this ill. 

Goals for Week of 16th:

Walk on treadmill for exercise, but at a reasonable pace.

Eat based on pre-planned meals from Health Magazine.

Take vitamins

Drink Waters.

Does illness affect your weight loss efforts?

Scale Steppin' Sunday--Jan 9

I weighed in this morning at 204.1 lbs.  This is after a week of eating absolutely what I wanted and not apologizing for it.  I've been teetering between 205 and 207 lbs.  I also haven't exercised all week because I caught Lootie Tootie's flu. 

Mini Goal for January:

Get under 200 lbs.  199 is my goal.  I want to never see 200 again.  That would be such a wonderful thing.  I am tired of teetering up and down.

I made this goal this morning after weighing in.  I was still formulating my plan while driving to Target to shop for food for the entire family.  At the end of the shopping, I truly wanted to go get a donut.  I went past it, and just felt deflated by the thought of failing myself . . . again.  I didn't buy it.  I didn't get that Caramel Brulee Latte to go with it.  I truly wanted it, but the thought of 10 points made me stop from purchasing it.  I moved on.  This is truly a moment for me to be proud of.  Usually, I make excuses and get what I want; even if it is bad for me. 

My goal for this week--January 9-15:

• Exercise at least 30 minutes, 5 times this week.
• Eat clean foods everyday in right proportions: no snickers, dessert, etc.
• Take an hour everyday to do something for me that isn't kid related, husband related, house related, or weight loss related.

Thanks to those of you who wrote such wonderful advice and suggestions for me to follow after my last post.  I am making them part of my goals to some degree.

What is your goal this week?

Truly, happy?

"Life is like a bowl of spaghetti. Every once in a while, you get a meatball."— Sharon Creech

Going back to work this week has been extremely hard.  The inspiration and motivation to do anything at the office has been hard.  Ever since we moved here two years ago, I am constantly asked if I am happy.  I respond with a resounding "absolutely!  I can't imagine raising my children any place else."  Well, now I am questioning if that is true.  Rather, I question my happiness in general versus the happiness in living in the Midwest.  

I am a strong believer that excessive eating is rooted in the unconscious fears/concerns/anxieties and is consciously expressed and suppressed by food.  I don't need a psych PhD or MD to figure that out for myself.  But as I review all the things that bring me down, I can't define that one thing.  So I am questioning if I am truly happy here and in what I am doing for a career: away from family; away from friends; giving up my house; missing my mother, etc.  There are so many downers outnumbering the "happiness".  

The biggest thing is career.  I came into the legal profession because my Mom forced me to.  Okay, she didn't take a belt in her hand and threaten to beat me if I didn't go to law school; she did something worse.  She smothered my spark  The spark was art.  I had been a prolific drawer.  I can remember always having a sketchpad and colored pencils in my hand.  She never approved.  

I recall that when I was about 11-years-old, we got into a fight once about it that I threw away my sketch pad in the street and marched home behind her.  When I got accepted to Art & Design high school in NYC, she didn't allow me to attend.  I had to go to the local high school because she claimed it was within walking distance, and it was safer.  While she did encourage me to audition for LaGuardia School of Performing Arts for Art, I am sure she was secretly relieved that I wasn't accepted.  She told me that fashion design wasn't lucrative.  O-kay!  Because of my lack of strength to push forward and continue with my art, thereby denying myself the dream of attending FIT, I stopped drawing in High School.  I attended a good liberal arts college and then onto Law School.  Not bad for a girl raised in Spanish Harlem by a single mother who only speaks Spanish.  I don't want to minimize my accomplishments and who helped me get here, but all of that doesn't bring me unbelievable joy and excitement.

I am a believer that we should follow our passion.  When we wake up in the morning, do we wake up with the joy of starting our day and doing what we love?  Many do.  But I am going to put it out there.  I don't.  It pays the bills.  It assists my husband in raising our children.  I am teaching others a skills that helps countless people.  However, I don't wake up filled with that burning flame of excitement. 

I don't ever discourage my children from what is their passion.  I think Amazon will run away to be on Broadway in a Musical.  She will sing and dance her heart out; and I will have to send her a stipend monthly because she will be a starving artist.  Moose will be a scientist that discovers a pre-historic critter that he won't stop talking about in the pre-historic-critter-talking-circuit.  My Lootie Tootie, will be a . . . hmm, not quite sure what she'll be yet, but I am sure it may have something to do with Dora the Explorer.

My point: I am certain that the parenting I received as a child to do what is "right" and "sensible" is what is making me miserable and I compensate by keeping quiet and eating.  I then find any excuse to eat for whatever else ails me. I am still doing what is right by working in my unchosen field, but I long to do something that brings me joy.  What that is?  I can't quite pinpoint.  I love photography.  I love graphic design.  I love creating: sewing, knitting, quilting.  I love decor and interior lifestyles.  I love writing.  If I could, I would combine all of those to create my own magazine empire.  I stare at magazine stands and sigh; wishing that I could be a part of their creation.  Good thing blogging gives me a bit of that (you'll notice that I never post without a picture--even if it isn't relevant to the topic).  However, it doesn't pay the bills.  I hope that when the kids are grown and gone, I can finally engage in the career of my choosing and wake up in a blaze to do what I love.

Are you truly happy?

2011 and the year of "no excuses".

Handful of baby spinach with crisp bacon, poached eggs, and pear vinagrette

(all freshly prepared at home today).  What I came up with when I was

panicking about lunch while caring for a sick baby.

New year, new goals.  The family and I got back from Los Angeles last night.  We spent a week there to see the Rose Bowl.  Unfortunately, we lost.  I was heart broken.  However, what I came away with is that there were some wonderful young men and their coaching staff, strength & conditioning staff, doctors, athletic trainers and many others who spent a season (and their lives) preparing for this annual game.  They don't make excuses for not working out or overeating (sure they pile their plates at a buffet sky high and go for seconds, and raid the dessert table before we got to it), but they burn it off (heck, they are still in their early twenties . . . teens, even). 

I ate differently in L.A.  Let's be honest, their idea of fast food is salads, fresh asian cuisine that is not fried, and fruits.  I was very good.  I didn't overindulge.  I didn't even panic on the plane and took advantage of the great plane food (not joking) which was healthy, so I wouldn't be greedy when we landed.  Life was good.  And then I spent today with the baby because she is sick.  I was bored, overwhelmed, and anxiety ridden for missing another day of work.  While I ate tons of caramel corn, I am not going to beat myself up.  So the plan is to eat clean.  Yeah, I read a lot about that in a magazine that I recently bought.  I am going to get a Clean Eating magazine and see if it is something I'd like to subscribe.

I got my Runner's World and my Fat Loss magazine, and have a plan in order.  When I started this journey, I would run for competing in 5Ks.  I would cross train by doing 30 Day Shred or Yoga.  Somewhere along the line, I stopped cross training.  For the life of me, I can't remember why I made that change.  I felt stronger. I had more energy and stamina.  It was better.  Recently, I've been doing a lot of cardio with minimal weight training, and I am not happy with the results.  I feel a lot softer and my body seems mushier.  I hate that. 

So while I may workout today, I am for sure will be starting tomorrow morning.  I needed today to get back on Central time.  The goal for today is to eat within reason and drink water in between.  I will ensure to be more proactive with my eating by having a plan.  I am packing my lunches and pre-planning my dinners.  I already started by marinading and seasoning 3 days worth of meals.  Oh, and I am planning 2 vegetarian days; black beans are soaking overnight to be cooked for future use. 

I am also going back to taking pics of myself while working out.  Why?  Because it keeps me accountable.  The photos will help me to see the results weekly because clearly, I am blind to what I see in the mirror.  I also hope it is motivation to continue, and motivation for readers. 

One last thought.  I had to go shopping for our vacation because we get invited to many dressy occassions.  I was "sick" to my stomach (and sick of my stomach) while shopping.  I purchased two pairs of dress slacks in a 16, but it was tight . . . TIGHT!  I bought two extra large blouses that were decent, but not completely my style.  I felt lost.  I am going to lay my feelings about the clothing industry.  I like classic design and style . . . think Audrey Hepburn in a 16-18.  I love capris, sailor shirts, white shirts, ballet slippers, riding boots, blazers, cardigans, pearls.  I don't want to dress with extremely wild and bold prints with bedazzles and chains because it is not me.  All I saw from the stores were too "wild" for my tastes.  And that made me sad.  So sad that I've realized I can't keep doing this to myself.  My hubby works in an industry that requires a lot of face time with a lot of people.  And I have to play the part with having my body in shape and my clothes on point.  And short of designing and sewing my own clothes, I need to get my body on par with what is out there.

What are your New Year's goals?