The Early Bird

I got up this morning and got my workout clothes on.  The plan: to run for 30 minutes straight.  I hadn't done that in a long time.  I had allowed myself to slack in my running and just run 20 minutes.  Today, I ran for 30 minutes after a 5 minute warm up, and did a 5 minute cool down.  I then hopped on the spin cycle and did 20 minute cycling.  I felt strong and capable to take on the day. 

I have forgotten to challenge myself.  I need to push a bit past my comfort zone.  And I need to remember that it is all mind over matter.  My capable of more.  I just have to devote the time.  I don't want to rush through an exercise session.  I want to get all I need to get out of it. 

I have created a new schedule for the month: 4 days of running and 3 days of spinning; Strength training has to be fit in somewhere. 

Thank you to all the commenters who gave me such positive feedback.  I know that we are sometimes harder on ourselves, and can't see things as clearly as others do.

Her, again?

I was asked to choose a pic for my jobs newsletter and one of them struck me because of the pic that I took in 1994.  Sixteen years have passed and now this girl (now a woman), is back again.  I thought that she wouldn't make an appearance when I got rid of her.  I told myself that I would never get back to that place. 

Not even seeing this side by side am I prompted to make a real change; binges are back.  Stressors have actually permitted me to eat crap and beat myself up later.  Today, I have the sniffles.  I know that a cold is coming.  I am overwhelmed with work, kids, husband's work and schooling.  All STUPID excuses.  Always stupid excuses.

I look at "her" and I actually remember the minimal stressors: no debt, no concerns over a spouse or children, or a job.  Her only job: do well in school and enjoy the good times to be had.  Even though she never dealt with my present issues, she wasn't happy.  She was lonely.  She was unloved.  She was unhealthy.  She was unfit.  She wanted to shed her outer self to project her inner self. 

She got healthy, fit, and happy when the weight was dropped.  But now she is back.  I am not sure if it is her or a new gal.  I am thinking it is a new gal.  And I want the new gal to go away!  But I often wonder if she is meant to always be here.  Is it worth trying to get rid of her, over and over again?

Giveaway Winner:

Number 5: 

That is Pamela.

Congrats Pamela. Please send me an email located on the side of my blog, so you can claim your copy of Women, Food and God. I wish we could have an answer to balancing everything that life throws at Women. Maybe this book will give you more insight on at least one aspect: food and how to control it, so it doesn't control us.


EDITED TO ADD:

Uh oh, I don't want to take this prize from Jennifer, but I just took the time to actually read her comment again. It seems she has the book. I will be redoing the random generator. Sorry, Jennifer. I hope you join in another future giveaway. Thanks for understanding.

The Line Diet

Don't forget the giveaway. Tomorrow is the last day to enter your comment.

I've talked about the line diet before.

There is an online tool for graphing your progress. You set a goal weight and calendar date to reach that weight. You weigh in as often as you'd like. Some people do it daily. Other's, like me, not so often.  I like making mini goals to reach toward my overall goal of . . . dare I say, 150 lbs. 

This is my line diet graph.  I removed my screen name in the clouds for privacy.  The fixed line indicates how much you should lose daily to reach your goal.  The red line indicates the weight on, below or above your daily goal. With my recent mental and emotional work toward eating less and moving more, I've been steadily losing weight.  I hope to get to 191 by the 5K I plan to run on October 30th.  I ran the same race last year at 212.  I would like to see how 21 lbs off my body increases my speed, and reduces discomfort while running.

Basically, if you go over the fixed line, you are to eat less and exercise more. If you are under the fixed line, you are to eat sensible and exercise. It allows you to proportion your day to keep on track of your goal.  For those of you who need to see results of your accomplishments, the line diet chart is a great way to see the loss. I've become more conscious of how I am doing by seeing that red line.  And I'll admit that I couldn't bring myself to plugging in my weight after last weekend's binge.  But I've been working hard this week, and the results are steadily getting me to goal. 

There is also a second chart for when you want to rate your eating and exercise for that day. I don't often fill that one out, but when I am having a great day, it is nice to plug it in.


What method of tracking your weight loss journey are you doing?  Do you think it has helped your progress?

Article: Hungry for More.

I wrote about this "hunger" that I felt because of my exercise.  I read this article, a simple retelling of a story about a new runner and the excess eating because of the "hunger" he felt from running and how he justified his excessive eating.  This article gave me permission to "not" eat more than necessary.  I always had this delusion concept that I could exercise a lot and eat the same or more because "heck, I am burning calories and building muscle."  What I forgot is that while I am burning calories and building muscle, I have excess fat that needs to burn most of all.  I have to create a deficit in my day.  Simple?  Sounds so.  But for someone who rationalizes and justifies every single thing that I do, it isn't so simple.  I "deserve" food sounds more simple to me. 

I've had to recognize that I can't eat like all those healthy lifestyle blogs with the lovely little snacks in between meals and fantastically composed meals with the right proportions of protein, carbs, and veggies.  I can certainly eat like that, but I don't have to double the quantity; or eat other foods while I am preparing that healthy snack or meal.

I am trying to eat high quality foods in low quantity portions.  I am allowing myself to feel a little bit of hunger at the end of each meal.  I am recognizing that the little twinge of hunger is not really hunger because it does go away when I focus on something else.  Water has become a friend.  And the bathroom has become a companion. 

The hard part of this new awareness is being constantly aware of food and feelings (both emotional and physical).  I am really looking forward to a time when food doesn't consume my thoughts.  I don't want to always be aware of my next meal and the portions.  I want to naturally stop when I am full.  I want to eat when my body is really hungry and not because I presently have to rely on a clock to tell me when it is "okay" to eat.  I want to be a little more spontaneous with eating and not have to rely on packaging just the right amount and specific foods.  And one day, I want to be able to be satisfied (mentally) with one cookie or a few bites of dessert.  Oh how I envy women (and men) who can take a couple of fork fulls of pastry and push away a plate containing (what is to me) a huge, remaining portion of crust or browned crumbles of loveliness (wasteful).  And I want to stop thinking that leaving food behind on my plate is wasteful.

I'll get there. 

Don't forget about the giveaway. 

Do you think about food constantly, or have you gotten to a place where you consume food and aren't consumed by it?

Giveaway: Women, Food and God

I am giving away my copy of Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.  As you've read from the title of this blog, I am fully aware of why I eat.  I eat to quelch the emotions that I don't want to deal with.  I eat to cap off the joy of great news or a great day. I express my emotions and anxiety through my eating. 

I was hoping that this book would give me the answer I have been searching for: "how do I stop?"  And despite giving wonderful advise as to delving into "why", I am not quite certain I came away with the "how" to force myself to take control. 

Recently, I've been suppressing some of my hunger.  I've been taking small portions of food to work.  I've been snacking on a fruit and mini Luna or Lara bar before dinner.  I've been supplementing my hunger with water.  I lost some weight.  I've gained some weight during my "binges"; especially this weekend.  I have been feeling a sense of angst balancing motherhood, wifely duties, and working full time outside of the home.  I don't have family here.  I don't have friends to ask for help.  The help I get is paid for, and that provides another sense of anxiety.  How to pay for things on an already stretched budget?  Exercise isn't on the top of my priority as it was months ago.  I am filled with stress and I am suppressing that stress by eating an extra cookie or bowl of cereal; instead I should be sweating it out or posing it out with Yoga.

I want to give this book away to someone who wants to figure out why they overeat and how to control it.  If you are interested in getting this book, please leave a comment.  The winner will be randomly chosen by the random number generator.  Winner will be announced on the evening of Friday, September 16, 2010.

For fun, answer this: "What is the food that you cannot live without?"

Comfy pants

I have made a commitment to myself to no longer lounge in the house with yoga pants, sweats, or shorts with elastic.  Why?  You lose a sense of an expanding waist line with comfy pants.  I had the wrong impression that these jeans were too tight.  But they aren't.  I haven't deviated from a 16 and these jeans have a bit of stretch in them.  When you go elastic, you tend to expand in body along with the stretchy fabric.

I am also budgeting for new pairs of slacks and jeans because the waistline has grown bigger due to my weight loss and deteriorating fibers.  Buying skinny jeans for my 8-year-old girl made me realize that my pants shouldn't be too tight, but they shouldn't sag all over either. 

I weighed in at 205 lbs today.  I've lost the 4 lbs that I gained during vacation.  I've been around 205 for the last year.  I am so sick of it.  I am using the line diet graph to chart my progress.  It is a great way to have a visual of what you are losing, and how much you are projected to lose daily until you reach your goal by the goal date.

Have you fallen into the comfy pant trap?   If you are losing weight, have you invested in clothes that are more fitting to your new body?

A Bite . . .

After a vacation filled with tons of great food that I indulged in, I decided that I must realize a balance in my eating.  New week, new plan.  I packed my food this week with leftovers.  My lunches were packed in the same sized bowl daily, which was enough for me.  I am an overeater, and I came to the conclusion that it is okay to be a little hungry.  My body doesn't have to feel uncomfortably stuffed to be satisfied.  And while I am still at the stage of thinking about the next meal, I am trying to control myself.

Tonight, I took the kids to Qdoba.  I had my regular Naked Chicken Burrito Bowl with no sour cream or cheese, with salsa and a bit of quacamole. Hey, avocados are a necessity.  I did steal the babies chips, but no overload.  And then I took the kids to the local bakery for a cookie each.  The above was my cookie.  It was a mocha chocolate dip on one side cookie.  It was yummy.  And I don't regret it.  Why?  Because that regret is what makes me feel extremely awful and destroys the next time.  And while I could have done without it, I didn't go overboard like usual.

I've been running or spinning all week.  Even with hip pain.  I've been working on my abs to strengthen my core.  I also have been doing my pushups: 3 sets of 15.  While it is brutal getting up at 4:50 am, I got up.  I got them done.  I will get up tomorrow at 6 a.m. and hope all sleep in.  I want to do 60 minutes of spinning before all the kids wake up.  It would be nice to sleep in on a Saturday, but my goals don't allow for that luxury.

I weighed in this morning at 205.5 lbs.  About 3.5 lbs down from last week when I was at 209 from vacation.  I have a goal of losing a total of 18 lbs by the October 30th 5K that I hope to run.  I would be 21 lbs lighter than last year when I ran at 212 lbs.  I am sure that running at 191 would make for a much faster runner.


Do you allow yourself a treat or are you a complete restricter?