Thursday, September 23, 2010

Her, again?

Then and Now

I was asked to choose a pic for my jobs newsletter and one of them struck me because of the pic that I took in 1994.  Sixteen years have passed and now this girl (now a woman), is back again.  I thought that she wouldn't make an appearance when I got rid of her.  I told myself that I would never get back to that place. 
Not even seeing this side by side am I prompted to make a real change; binges are back.  Stressors have actually permitted me to eat crap and beat myself up later.  Today, I have the sniffles.  I know that a cold is coming.  I am overwhelmed with work, kids, husband's work and schooling.  All STUPID excuses.  Always stupid excuses.

I look at "her" and I actually remember the minimal stressors: no debt, no concerns over a spouse or children, or a job.  Her only job: do well in school and enjoy the good times to be had.  Even though she never dealt with my present issues, she wasn't happy.  She was lonely.  She was unloved.  She was unhealthy.  She was unfit.  She wanted to shed her outer self to project her inner self. 

She got healthy, fit, and happy when the weight was dropped.  But now she is back.  I am not sure if it is her or a new gal.  I am thinking it is a new gal.  And I want the new gal to go away!  But I often wonder if she is meant to always be here.  Is it worth trying to get rid of her, over and over again?


  1. Great post. I know you are not happy with your body, but, man, you are beautiful!
    You are a different girl. You are stronger, more mature, a mom, and still dealing with the weight. I hear you, me too..but I am able to see my strengths, and they are not defined in just my weight, that is just part of the story. Hang in there.

  2. You will overcome.

    You have done so well!!

  3. I'm going to tell you off. It's not something I usually do.

    Your so-called excuses are NOT excuses. They are life. You are busy.

    Now I'm going to tell you something that was said to me yesterday.

    "Make Time"

    I don't know how you can do it because you have such a busy schedule, but if you do have some down time in the day maybe you should look at how you are using it.

    We all need 'blob out' time but I'm thinking we need to learn to use it wisely. Maybe it should be taking a relaxing stroll, smell the flowers, instead of flopping on the couch, or maybe you have a creative hobby and this is the time to indulge.

    Flopping feels good when exhausted but does little to re-charge our batteries or feed our spirit.

    Just a thought or two. *smile* You are Beautiful.

  4. You are absolutely BEAUTIFUL in both pics! I love your skin & your gorgeous smile!!! Seriously... i know you are not happy w/ your weight but you are stunning! I'm not just saying that! I, too, have struggled as of late, but i am going to keep at it! I'm not giving up & i know you won't either. :)

  5. I echo the other comments, you are beautiful and you may not be happy with yourself - but there are plenty of people who will be jealous of that gorgeous figure and beautiful face. I don't think any of us are 100% happy EVER, it is just a shame we focus on what we are not happy with instead of what we have. I challenge you to look in the mirror every morning and say "I am beautiful!" - you are!

  6. I agree with the others... you are so freaking beautiful in both pictures! Seriously, you are quite stunning, especially when you smile. I know you are probably your own worst critic (aren't we all?) but believe us! You are beautiful!

    And if you are really unhappy with your body, then yes, it's worth it to change. You can do it if you want to. :)


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