Hungry?

I've been having some trouble lately with being inspired to exercise and eat right, simultaneously.  It is starting to become one or the other . . . but not both.  I either get into this routine of exercising really well, but overeating because I've exercised.  Or I will pack my lunches and have a hard time exercising consistently because I don't have to worry about excess calories being consumed.

I reached 200.4 lbs last week, but now I am up to 208.  How?  Because I ate the victory away.  I couldn't be happy with that loss to move forward in my goal of reaching 175 by January 1.  I was only 25 lbs away from my goal, but I had to throw it further from my reach. 

I read an article last night in Runner's Magazine from a new runner.  The author wrote about eating more because, "heck, I'm a runner."  Well, the author was running about a mile at first and then 2 miles, but eating as if 12 miles were run.  The author discussed this with a doctor who happened to be at a lacrosse game, and the doctor stated that despite the hunger generated by running, it is sometimes okay to be hungry.  The doctor had just run 12 miles that morning and didn't eat breakfast, and he was hungry--and he was okay with that.  What?  That goes against everything I read about eating right and refueling, and my muscles needing fuel to rebuild, strengthen and prepare for the next exercise activity. 

I eat like I run 12 miles everyday.  I know that I don't do 12 miles in a week.  I don't do anything extra in my fitness that necessitates more calories.  I feel like an athlete, but I am not an athlete who has burned thousands of calories.  I eat for every excuse, good or bad.

I've already finished Women, Food and God and I know why I am overeating (bills, stress, job, children, husband, house, bills, no money, bills; yep, that seems to be the majority of my issues), I just don't know how to seriously drop the hammer and stop myself.  How do I force myself to take back control when I know I shouldn't indulge.  I rationalize everything.  "Well, I can have that small, soy latte with 6 sugars with the cream cheese/chocolate chip muffin because I did 67 minutes on the Spin bike (I actually did exercise that much last night) and will exercise today!"  Haven't you read this before?  I know I've written it before. 

I have issues.  I am not sure if there is truly a rock bottom moment for me.  Or an event that is causing me to take this more seriously.  I read all these amazing weight loss blogs with all the dramatic before and after pics.  I want that.  But how bad?  Not bad enough, apparently.  My coworker has lost 17 lbs since starting her efforts, but she got the rude wake up call of being borderline diabetic.  Her husband has lost 27 lbs in a couple of months because he was diagnosed with high cholesterol and blood pressure.  He has been biking 10 miles daily and going for walks with her, while cutting back on food.  We went for a walk today.  She'd already exercised this morning.  I used to do that.  I will exercise tonight because it was in my schedule.  I will try to control my eating today because I prepacked my food. But I don't know how long I will keep this up. 

This is what I plan to do, moving forward from today.  Take all this with a grain of salt, please.

• I will still workout or be active daily.  
• I will still try to eat right.  
• I will now start to allow myself to be a little "hungry".
• This won't be an all or nothing because I know I am flawed.  
• I will try to be happier all the while doing the above.

How do you get past the "hunger" (that isn't truly a hunger, but a need to satisfy something else)?