Wednesday, February 23, 2011

This is forever . . .

This is definitely an inspiration.  I need to take a lesson from this wonderful lady.  Tomorrow morning, when I am feeling exhausted and overwhelmed, I will remember that this is what I want to achieve.  And I hope I will get up and exercise.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Scale Steppin Sunday--February 6

February 6

-1 lb

I lost 1 lb this week.  I'll take it.

I've been wondering what I am doing all this for.  Why am I trying to lose weight and blogging about it?

I feel like I am putting this immense pressure on myself to be something that I don't think I can achieve.  I think I am losing sight of why I started this blog and the momentum that I established.  I know that I wanted to document my accomplishments.  I wanted to write about my running races as an obese woman.  I did want to lose weight.  I did have a plan. 

Without sounding like I am assigning blame, I recall wanting to achieve the weight loss of so many amazing bloggers.  I wanted to achieve the completion of races, the attempt at a triathalon, the documenting of healthy, clean eating.  I think I got caught up in a competition of my own making.  Weight loss is a singular sport.  It is a challenge within one's own mind and body.  But my focus and drive starting going by the wayside. In the year of blogging, I've stayed at around 205 lbs.  I may have changed the shape of my body, the endurance, the flexibility, but I haven't changed the "heaviness". 

I also haven't completely changed my thoughts about food.  Blogging is not motivation for anyone if there aren't any results or substance to what I am writing about.  The up and down weight loss and gains are not a good thing.  It certainly is not a healthy thing. My "rock bottoms" were truly not rock bottoms--more of a feeling of shame, but never enough to slap me to productivity.

So I am thinking of changing focus again.  Going back to original plan.  Working on my running, yoga, and strength training.  I shared my schedule last week.  I am planning on continuing with that plan, with some modifications.

I am going back to training for races.  I am starting from square one, which is training for a 5K in May.  Paula and I discussed training for a 10K--virtually.  I am a bit overwhelmed by that task, however she has been doing an amazing job at running lately.  I am in awe of her.  I am picking out a 5k to do in eight weeks. 

In the future, weight loss and healthy eating posts will show up when there is a loss, and if I think it is worthy to blog about.  If "Scale Steppin Sunday" ceases to exist don't hold it against me.  I am just allowing myself to function as best as I can. My reward is feeling like I accomplished something, and loss of fat isn't the only thing that rewards me.