I lost 1 lb this week. I'll take it.
I've been wondering what I am doing all this for. Why am I trying to lose weight and blogging about it?
I feel like I am putting this immense pressure on myself to be something that I don't think I can achieve. I think I am losing sight of why I started this blog and the momentum that I established. I know that I wanted to document my accomplishments. I wanted to write about my running races as an obese woman. I did want to lose weight. I did have a plan.
Without sounding like I am assigning blame, I recall wanting to achieve the weight loss of so many amazing bloggers. I wanted to achieve the completion of races, the attempt at a triathalon, the documenting of healthy, clean eating. I think I got caught up in a competition of my own making. Weight loss is a singular sport. It is a challenge within one's own mind and body. But my focus and drive starting going by the wayside. In the year of blogging, I've stayed at around 205 lbs. I may have changed the shape of my body, the endurance, the flexibility, but I haven't changed the "heaviness".
I also haven't completely changed my thoughts about food. Blogging is not motivation for anyone if there aren't any results or substance to what I am writing about. The up and down weight loss and gains are not a good thing. It certainly is not a healthy thing. My "rock bottoms" were truly not rock bottoms--more of a feeling of shame, but never enough to slap me to productivity.
So I am thinking of changing focus again. Going back to original plan. Working on my running, yoga, and strength training. I shared my schedule last week. I am planning on continuing with that plan, with some modifications.
I am going back to training for races. I am starting from square one, which is training for a 5K in May. Paula and I discussed training for a 10K--virtually. I am a bit overwhelmed by that task, however she has been doing an amazing job at running lately. I am in awe of her. I am picking out a 5k to do in eight weeks.
In the future, weight loss and healthy eating posts will show up when there is a loss, and if I think it is worthy to blog about. If "Scale Steppin Sunday" ceases to exist don't hold it against me. I am just allowing myself to function as best as I can. My reward is feeling like I accomplished something, and loss of fat isn't the only thing that rewards me.