Sunday, December 19, 2010

Feeling bad . . .


It seems to be my regular pattern of feelings.  It doesn't seeem like much can cheer me up.  I am so bummed.  I went to a women's celebration, and instead of feeling cheerful and happy about a get together with wonderful women, I felt inadequate and unattractive.  I resisted going.  I never feel like I measure up.  But because I was invited and hubby was home, I went to meet other people and be more sociable. 

My mood lifted and dipped due to my meeting a very strong and determined young woman who is pregnant with her first child with Down's Syndrome; she is due this week.  She and her husband have decided to have their baby despite all the "recommendations" from doctors. She knew what was best for her and her family.  She understands the challenges, but sees the rewards so much more than the "negatives" (negatives that society has ingrained in us).  I admire her so much, and I wish her and her hubby the best.

So I came home a bit blue.  I decided that I have to lift out of the funk.  My issues are so much lesser.  I do have challenges, but nothing that requires self flagellation by food.  I am home with the kids this week.  I will be exercising everyday.  I am going to eat very well-proportioned meals.  And I must drink my water throughout the day. There are so many thoughts swirling.

Any suggestions for getting out of the winter/Christmas blues?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Like a carousel . . .

I wish that everything I encountered were like a carousel; a happy ride with music that is predictable and exciting with no scary bits. 

Hubby and I are pondering a lot about our future.  What that is, I can't say--not divorces or babies, I assure you.  We have a lot of things up in the air and we wish it were so much simpler to make definite decisions about our lives.  We have a really exciting vacation coming up for us.  I will show pictures when I return in January.  I will reveal about our plans after the New Year.

In the meantime, I will share that things have been the same.  Eating is still a struggle.  Exercise isn't a struggle because I do enjoy it and I find it a calming start to my day.  I am looking forward to the new year when I will once again commit to running and hope to train for a 10K.  I've been flirting with the idea of training for a half marathon.  But the notion is so absurd that I dismiss it and go back to the idea of a 10K.  For sure, I will do a 5K in the New Year.  I would love to do the 10K on my birthday, and I am sure there will be one scheduled for that day. 

How are you capping off 2010?  Are you going to start or begin with good and healthy habits to go into the New Year?  Or will you chuck it all and have fun with eating anything and everything and worrying about getting back on routine in the New Year?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Stepping Back . . . Resolutions

This month is crazy.  What holiday month isn't?  I realized that because of the holidays, work becoming busier with the winter break, and a vacation during the break, I can't do Weight Watcher's meetings this month.  While I haven't been successful on Weight Watchers, I've been faithfully attending.  I received my PointsPlus program, and I hope to put the program into action from today forward until I return to Weight Watchers in January.  

I am hoping not to take this time or vacation to gorge because "heck, I'm on vacation and I deserve this."  This is an especially stressful holiday with a lot of financial upheavals, but I am determined to make resolutions for the new year.  My resolutions don't involve losing weight, exercising more, or living a healthy life.  I've been doing that to some degree for the last two years.  But I am going to resolve to improve three (3) areas of my life that cause me to deviate from good intentions and plans.

1.  FINANCES:  I've been budgeting really well, but I am still getting a bit sidetracked with expenses: the ones that inevitably arise without pre-planning.  This means we are not saving for a rainy day.  When there is no money for the monsoons that seem to occur every other month, I panic.  I eat.  I stress.  I say, "I will never panic again; and I will never eat like this again."  But I do.  Inevitably, I do.  So while I pay off the minor debts we have, I will also be saving for the typhoons of expenses that have the potential of blowing through.

2.  HOUSEHOLD CLEANING & ORGANIZATION:  If my house isn't in order, how the heck am I supposed to get this body in order?  Since going back to work in 2009, I've let a lot go.  Yes, I can't obtain perfection, but I just want to get mine and the kid's clothes out of the basket and not be wrinkled on a daily basis.  I want the toilets cleaned weekly.  I want to vacuum more often than when we see white dust bunnies creeping about.  I want to wash the tile floors weekly too so I can walk around barefoot.  I want to have a stocked pantry and freezer.  Speaking of that, I want to have a larger refrigerator and freezer.  Because we rent, I can't do much about the fridge, but I am planning to buy a deep freezer and do bulk cooking and freezing.  I want these systems to be easier for us working parents.  I know that once I can start putting the dishes in the dishwasher before I go to bed, I wont' be so stressed and want to overeat in the morning.  Just sayin'!

3.  LITERACY/MATH:  I want to make sure my son is not at the bottom of his class.  We are now seeking therapy from a new therapist that opened our eyes to some great ideas and possibly meds to help his significant inattentiveness because of his autism spectrum.  He is dead last in his class.  He only knows 15 sight words while about 4 kids know 200 sight words.  Yikes!  He is disruptive with special ed-one-on-one attention.  I get calls about twice to 4 times a week.  That hurts.  It hurts so bad that it affects how I respond.  I respond by eating.  I only want the best for him.  And I want the best for me.  I hate getting those calls . . . they drive me to get a caramel brulee latte from Starbucks; not only am I spending $4.38, but I am using up 10 points out of 31.  Seriously?!?!

Do you read a pattern here?  I overeat for many reasons.  So if I can minimize the reasons for why I eat, then I hope this could be a way of overcoming my issues with food for comfort.  Is it a panacea?  mmmm, I don't know, but it couldn't hurt, right?

I am still considering Overeater's Anonymous.  It is more timing because of our family dynamic not being conducive to attending meetings on the weekends.  But Weight Watchers isn't cutting it for me right now.  I know the tools.  I've done it before.  But it is all in my mind, and I need to fix that most of all. 

What are your non-weightloss/healthy-living (but indirectly help those goals), New Year's resolutions?