Thursday, December 29, 2011

Weak Spot

While waiting on one of the longest lines in the greatest place on earth, my daughter started patting my upper arm.  She said, "this is fun!" And she laughed maniacally, as my upper arms jiggled under her slaps. 

She pushed my button.  She got me at the core of my weakness; the part of me that makes me feel so uncomfortable and unconfident.  She jiggled my bat wing.  And even as I flexed, she still found places where my body was riddled with loose, fatty skin.  I was mortified.  I was humiliated.  I was so hurt beyond belief that when we got back to the hotel, I grabbed hubby's lap top and I researched non surgical plastic surgery options.  It appeared promising, but there may not be a complete and perfect solution. 

I guess what I am really trying to say is that I am frustrated that I've allowed myself to get back to this point.  I had been here before.  I lost the weight after much hard work.  I vowed not to get fat again.  And I got fat again.  Now, I have a daughter that I want to model great attitudes and behaviors, and I feel like I failed her.  But mostly, I feel like I failed myself.  I am angry and frustrated.  Very. Frustrated.

This morning, even after not sleeping all night and having a bout with diarrhea, I did a series of dips and push ups.  I can't help feeling that even if this body loses the weight, my weak parts will never snap back to where they should be . . . where I want them to be . . . need to be.

So tomorrow morning, I will exercise at the hotel gym.  I will work toward my goal in the New Year.  Even if I don't snap back skin wise, I will be significantly better off with less body fat and better eating habits.  Ultimately, I hope that my new lifestyle does a good job at role modeling for my daughter. 

What is your weak spot?

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas with an early resolution . . .

I have been gone for a bit trying to sort out the next phase of our new life.  I've been busy with work, kids, hubby,  new house, and Nana.  It has been quite an adjustment.

During the period of Thanksgiving, I went on a sugar and carb binge.  I was overdosing on the sugary lattes, large cookies and desserts every day for about 3 weeks.  However, in early December, I realized that I must make a change.  I mentioned in a previous post that I was flirting with the idea of Paleo.  Well, 3 weeks ago, I gave up grains and sugar.  This past Monday, I went out to eat with hubby and had carbs--a mousse tort and a ravioli dish with sweet potato inside.  It was divine.  However, what was not divine was the next day when I suffered from an itchy rash on my face and then 5 zits appeared.  My body was inflammed and I was wheezing with asthma for most of the next day.  My body was letting me know that it wasn't cool with what I consumed.  When my doctor tested me for gluten intolerance, I didn't present with an intolerance.  However, the proof is in the way I feel.  It certainly does give me a reaction.

So I committed to grain free (no wheat, oats, barley and even rice) and sugar free (no stevia, even).  I am done 'cause I'm an addict.  I can't even take it in little doses.  I was not feeling well.  I had felt a lot of numbness in my hands and fingers when I was bingeing.  I was worried that I am pre-diabetic.  I am working hard not to overload my liver with insulin.  Thankfully, we aren't traditional Christmas bakers and cooks.  We don't make a large meal and desserts.  We travel every year, so I was okay with starting my New Year's resolution much earlier.

I've been devouring blogs and articles on paleo lifestyle.  It  is simple:

no grains
no dairy
no sugar
lift heavy things
get outdoors and get sun

I think I can do this.  I have been more focused and conscious of my eating and am back to exercising.
I've been researching Crossfit.  Okay, I think they are a bunch of nuts, but the concept intrigues me.  I like hard, ballistic, high intensity intervals, plyomentric, and want to get back to strength training.  I used to lift weights in the middle '90s, I stopped with school, later the babies, and then the moves to different places.

I've been reading blogs and viewing videos online about Crossfit and Kettlebells.  I showed a picture of the Kettlebells that we own that are in our workout dungeon.  Yesterday, I did The Firm DVD (it is their new 20 minute High Intensity interval training program that I got two from Amazon--not the As Seen On TV set).  It was 20 minutes of plyo and light weights.  I then did a workout routine with my 12kg Kettlebells (26 lbs). I did 3 sets of 12 of the first 4 exercises.  I didn't think I did that much work.  I want to master the swing so I can build strength and lose weight.

I started feeling the effects of it late last night while wrapping presents.  My arms killed.  My right knee was dying.  I went to bed after taking two Advil and fell right to sleep at midnight.  This morning, my delts and shoulders are unhappy, but slightly excited about this program that I hope to embark on in the new year.

Hubby bought an elliptical for us, yet, I've used it more than he has in the last two months since it has resided with us.  I hope to do a lot of DVDs and Kettlebells.  I want to get stronger and burn more fat at rest because of the muscles that I will be building.

Now that Christmas is over, what are your New Year's resolutions?