Salmon over greens

I am trying to eat as much of my CSA share before I have to pick up on Monday.  That means a lot of veggies with 2 out of 3 meals.  I forgot how simple lunch can be and that it will satisfy me just as much as having a protein, a simple carb, and veggies.  And it doesn't have to be a huge production. 

In a cast iron skillet, I grilled the salmon on both sides with a touch of olive oil with salt and pepper.  I put in the oven for about 7 more minutes to cook through.

In the meantime, in an aluminum skillet, I started to cook garlic in olive on low heat.  Put the green beans to start cooking.  Tossed.  Put the spinach to cook.  Added salt and pepper to taste.

Once spinach wilted, I plated the greens in the center of the plate and put the salmon on top.  Then I put a vinagrette over the salmon and greens for a crisp and clean taste.  The vinagrette was blended with white wine, olive oil, salt, pepper, and mustard.  Yum!

I am going to try to make more healthy meals and take photos for the blog.  They may not be anywhere near as good as Pioneer Woman, but I like to share what I make and eat. 

All or nothing . . .

When I take on new hobbies or interests, I go into it with an "all or nothing" attitude.  I find myself obsessing over that particular subject matter--my boy has inherited this from me.  When I started knitting, I got as many books, needles, patterns and yarn as I could.  When I started spinning my own yarn, I needed to start off learning through simple means, then buying a spinning wheel, and exploring the intricate nature of spinning yarn, and dyeing it, then knitting some more.  Because I had a blog, I wanted to take better pictures, so I went full force with photography books from the library to learn how to best use my point and shoot camera.  When the point and shoot was no longer sufficient, I had to get a top of the line DSLR--it didn't matter that I couldn't afford it (or the lenses) . . . it was all or nothing, right?  Then my need to make a quilt for each of my babies.  Yeah, that stopped at 2 quilts and both were for one baby.  Recently, it was reclaiming thrifted furniture to refinish and redecorate my home; all the furniture is sitting in the basement waiting till I make the time.  Once I've achieved my goal of learning a subject, I get bored and I move onto something else.  However, that means I dump the previous projects and barely consider it again.  They are all piled up in the basement.

When I started running (so I could complete a 5K in Fall of 2009), I went full force.  I created my own version of C25K.  I got up at 5 a.m. to run on the treadmill.  When race day approached four months later, I got a babysitter and ran my race. Nothing could stop me. I was so proud.  I made many goals of maintaining my new exercise "obsession".  It's been a year since I started training for that first 5K.  Since then I ran another one in January of 2010, with the hopes of running a race every month in 2010.  That stopped short after experiencing my first race in Wisconsin's wintery conditions.  And then I started letting my 5 a.m. workouts slip from at least 5 x a week to 3.  Then they became very inconsistent to none existent.  The same has occurred with Yoga and Jillian Michael's DVDs.  

I had many lofty goals when I started this journey (including consistent blogging) and I've let those goals lapse . . . often.  I have improved on many things, but that "obsession" and need to master something is gone.  I no longer knit, spin, take pictures like I used to, or quilt.  I don't run as much, if at all lately.  I am taking more liberties in the eating-of-crap department. I just don't want to commit . . . to fail. 

Part of me wants a solution to "why I do that?"  I do know why I do it, but I want a solution.  How do I fix me?  I am quite sure it is adult ADHD.  I can't complete things.  I can start a book and never finish it.  I can start a project and let it linger . . . for years.  I can set off to run and bike for fitness, but never lose a pound which was the intended purpose.  And I am struggling with how to change this mindset.  I want to do all of those things that I've mastered and loved (at the time), and finish something, then move on.  I want to go back and forth with multiple things and never give up until complete, but I want to continue doing those projects or exercise that I enjoy without terminating the activity forever.  And I want to learn how to do all this without taking medication like the commercials advertise.  I also don't want to see a therapist to work through it all.

I have decided to put all those activities on a schedule or "to do" list.  I need to schedule the time to start, work through, and finish an activity.  I don't want to let the projects pile up and feel guilt for never finishing and never returning to it. I also need to learn to just let some of those old, not completed projects go.  Find them better homes through donations.  I am sure that my lack of weight loss has a lot to do with not really wanting to see the results of my hard efforts.  I am not sure if I want to see my body at the final stages of this lifestyle change.  I don't want to see failure (that is  loose skin or stretch marks) after putting in the time and effort in exercise and eating well.  I don't want to be disappointed in seeing the damage of all of those years of obesity and pregnancies.  So when it comes to weight loss, this "all or nothing" means that if I don't get my all (slimmer, tighter and fit figure), then I want nothing (flab and stretch marks).   And I must find a way to lose this attitude because what I gain from this loss of weight is health, longevity, fitness, easier breathing without meds, and a higher degree of happiness than when I started.

Do you have an "all or nothing" attitude?  If so, how have you worked through overcoming it? 

Eating Right . . .

Eating is still a struggle.  Well, eating good food isn't a struggle because I've been managing to consume more veggies.  I contracted to purchase shares of a CSA (community supported agriculture) from June to October,  I get my box every week.  I am trying to use everything and let nothing go to waste.  I especially love getting eggs in our share.  Nothing like fresh eggs.

But I am still struggling with wanting a nice latte and chocolate chip/cream cheese muffin.  Part of me wants to live a normal, non deprived life, but I realize that to lose weight I have to maintain willpower?  Or do I?  Will it always be so regimented?  Should it be so strict?  I have lost the answer to that one.  The first time I lost weight, I was 20.  I lost 75 lbs in 5 months.  I recall that I did manage to eat a very nutritionally balanced vegetarian diet.  I just don't remember if sweets or treats were included.  I am inclined to say "no", but I didn't have 3 kids, who likes a mom that bakes them treats, which I almost never do now that I work outside of the home.

I don't own a mixer; so cookies, cakes and breads are done by hand.  I don't have time to bake like I used to, so I feel safe from myself, but passing a bakery or coffee shop is becoming sheer torture.  It is just cruel to say that I can't have something sweet.  I would rather eat it and reduce my calories elsewhere or increase my exercise.  And I am not talking everyday.  Just when the mood strikes.  Part of me feels that if I do mentally allow myself to partake, then I won't be so obsessed to partake in them  . . . everyday.

Exercise has become a struggle too.  I was a bit out of sorts last week.  I just got back to a routine today.  I got up at 5 a.m. and did the spin bike for an hour while watching a movie.  I am really loving the time spent watching a movie and getting my fitness in.  But running has suffered.  I haven't done Yoga in about 3 weeks since starting my Summer teaching.  DVDs are collecting dust.  Weights?  Where are those weights?  Kids have been using them to exercise their puny muscles.

I am planning out my exercise calendar again.  I think it is better for me to see it outlined, and then I can drag myself out of bed to do them in the early morning.  I am walking a few times a week with my co-worker.  There have been occasions where I have done 2 workouts a day.  I've even inspired my co-worker to do more than one exercise routine a day; and she has taken up water aerobics again.  Yay, me!  But I need to inspire myself to work harder.

Weight:  I weighed in this morning at 204.  Down 4 lbs from the last 2 weeks.  I can't say it is anything that I've consciously done, but I hope it doesn't go back up.  

What is your philosophy or plan around a sweet treat or a high calorie dish?

All is well . . .

Watching a movie (or at least half of a movie) in the mornings during my walking or spinning routines have been incredibly inspiring.  Of course, I have to be mindful to walk fast and not hold on or to vary my speed and resistance in biking.  It has been fun.  I am catching up on movies and I am looking forward to waking up at 5 a.m. again.

I've gone to the driving range a couple of times things week before work.  That is still a work in progress, but I am enjoying some active alone time.  

I've been thinking of finding an "activity partner".  Someone who enjoys the same physical activities as I do and is willing to meet at least once a week to workout, yoga, golf, bike, run or try a new activity.  I would love to try rock climbing.  But despite being a social butterfly, I am not one to take the leap and seek out friends.  I think I am witty and charming, but not willing to go up to someone and say, "Hi. I'm Rosa. What's your name?  Will you exercise with me?"

I don't want to find a friend at the gym because my lifestyle is not conducive to gym life.  Besides, I am trying to save money so my kids could enjoy extracurricular activities.  

Do you have a workout buddy, activities partner, or a group that you meet with to workout?

My Active Weekend . . .

Last week, I wasn't as physically active as I'd hoped.  I'd also planned on doing a 5K on Saturday, which I blew off because my walking buddies, 1) had a medical emergency which was super serious, and 2) was swamped with work and needed to go to the office on the weekend.  I'd decided that I was still going to be active every day.

On Saturday, I just couldn't stay home doing nothing.  I left hubby and three kids at home and got on my bike for a 3.52 mile trek around our neighborhood.  You have no idea how lovely it is to finally be able to bike ride around and see the world from a different perspective.  It was a happy moment.  It could have been more joyous had I put on shorts instead of long, flowing yoga pants.  Dumb, girl!

On Sunday, I got on the treadmill and walked for 100 minutes.  Yes, 100 minutes.  I discovered Streaming Netflix.  I downloaded the software and found my trusty headphones.  Got on the dreadmill and walked while watching "The Proposal".  It was an awesome time.  It was only 100 minutes because the darn treadmill shuts down when it resets to 00.00.  It was just as good of a time as any to stop. 

That afternoon, we took the kids to the driving range to practice hitting golf balls.  Not such a physically strenuous activity but it got us out of the house and being active with the kids.  You should have seen the four of us (Me, Hubby, my boy, and my girl) walking with our golf bags and clubs.  A yuppy family with baby in jogging stroller.  I am trying to get my swing back.  There was a time in my golfing life that I was really good.  Better than my husband.  Now, he has increased his skills and lowered his handicapped, while I've regressed back to square one. 

This Monday morning, I set the alarm to ring at 5:50 a.m., and told myself that if I awaken at 4:50 a.m. naturally, then I would exercise.  And this darn body woke up at 4:53 a.m.  I got myself dressed and headed for the workout/play room.  I got my netbook and put on The September Issue.  I rode the spin bike for 55 minutes.  Sweated my butt off, and the lady parts was in pain.  After sending everyone off to school and daycare, I went to the driving range this morning to hit a small bucket of balls before work.  I did so much better.  I even sparked conversation among two men who were practicing, asking each other if their wife golfed.  I figured being the only woman in there with a skirt and ballet shoes would strike that conversation. 

My swing is coming back.  I hope to work on my swing enough to take my daughter and teach her golf course management.  I've taught both kids (6 and 8) how to hit golf balls, and I want to now teach her how to read and navigate the course.  I figure I will take her to a nine hole once a month during the Summer.  Just the two of us.

Eating is a work in progress.  It is always in progress.  And it is work. 

Check out my submission to Jack Sh*t's W.I.D.T.H project, you will know by the picture, which you've seen before, but this one is subtitled.  Submit your own.  It is a fun way to show and tell the world why we are doing this for ourselves. 

Were you active this weekend?  If so, what did you do?  If not, what would you have liked to do?

Memory Lane, Part II . . .

This is my favorite place in time.  This statute or monument is located at the Bangor Cemetery in Bangor, ME.  Hubby and I lived in Bangor from June 1997 until September 1998.  We moved to Portland, ME in 1998.  During the one year of living in Bangor together, we were very physically active.  We started off walking toward the cemetery and walking around seeing the sites.  We did this every morning before work.  There were many beautiful trees and bushes.  Flowers that were left at the plots.  There were many veterans buried there and so there were many flags and memorials to the military heroes.  I recall even running during light rain showers.

I loved this place because it was a place where I started running and focusing on my fitness.  I'd joined a gym in which I would go to weight train.  I'd changed my diet to follow Dean Ornish because my immediate supervisor, a married mother of two, had two heart attacks at age 36 (the age I am now).  I shopped at the food coop.  I ate tofu, beans, brown rice; and packed my lunches.  I recall running in the morning, and still going to the gym after work and doing more cardio and weight training.  There were often instances where I met up with "future" hubby at the gym on University of Maine's campus.  My favorite gym was about a mile away from my office.  I can still remember the buxom, bleach blonde owner who was so gracious and committed to offering amazing services.  It was in a big warehouse with large garage doors.  Industrial.  I loved the atmosphere and the members.

On my last day in Bangor, we went out for a run and I took pictures of the things that I loved seeing along our jogging trail.

This tombstone always made me laugh.  And we literally, did slow down when we were passing it because it was our cool down point, nearing our rental home.  Once I moved to Portland, I tried to continue physical activity, but the stress of law school and having my future hubby commute for a year and then move to New York during our first year of marriage caused the mental break toward weight gain.  I started eating my feelings again.  I stopped exercising consistently; even with Weight Watcher's visits.  I stopped focusing on me. 

I moved to New York for my third year of law school and activity was sparse.  I wasn't as happy with the setting or the lifestyle that we were creating there.  I felt like something was missing or lost. 

I am still trying to recapture this memory of a time when it was about me taking charge of my health and fitness, like I did in College; and in Bangor.  

Summer is upon us . . .

Memorial Day weekend was a fun weekend of water park-in and eating bad, grilled food.  I am feeling disgusted with myself for the choices I made.  Or rather, for not being more adamant about eating at certain places that gave me more healthy choices.   Even my children were grossed out by the crap we've consumed over the weekend.  Our guts are not happy with us.  And it has expressed itself with tooting rears and runs to the bathroom.

Today, we returned home.  I bought a roasted chicken after work and steamed white rice (not the best choice), but better than the grilled processed meats, bleached breads, and potato salads.  The kids had whole wheat spaghetti with pesto sauce.  I made steamed carrots and peas.  I ate 1/2 an avocado with my meal.  And as much as this still wasn't the most nutritiously marvelous food, it was significantly much better than I ate from Saturday to Tuesday at 3 p.m. 

Tomorrow, I go back to my green smoothies and salads taken to my training.  The training does provide lunch, but they also provide one too many baked goods of the gut beating kind.  The lunch today was an overdone chicken breast, rice, and veggies.  And chocolate cake.  Yum!  Bad . . . Darn it! 

I want to thank those of you have awarded me blogger awards.  I am so sorry for not taking the time to address each and every one of them. They are immensely important to me because I generally feel like the wallflower at the party, and your awards make me feel like the triple threat entertainer that I think I am . . .  in my head. 

I set the alarm for 4:50 a.m. and I hope to run on the treadmill.  Oh, and did I mention that the pedal of my bike managed to come off while I was riding it on Friday, thereby stripping the threads.  It cannot be easily fixed without sending it back.  However, my hunky hubby managed to screw it back on despite having 1/8th of an inch not screwed on.  I hope it works with no further problems.