Using what I got . . .

I am not the best cook or planner.  I don't enjoy the process of cooking.  However, with the goal of packing my breakfast, lunch and snacks for work, I am cooking extra.  I like the concept of Bento, which is packing my lunches to be attractive and within a healthy quantity.  I love having extra food to reheat for the kid's dinners; one less thing to worry about.

For lunch today, I pulled out some leftovers to reheat. 

1 serv of cooked spaghetti 
1 serv of green beans (cooked the night before from frozen, nice and skinny and cooked al dente)
2 oz chicken wing and breast pieces (from a roasted chicken I made)
1 tsp of extra virgin olive oil
kosher salt (to taste)
fresh ground pepper (to taste)

Then all is tossed together to coat everything with the oil and reheated in microwave. Being creative with the things on hand has helped me to not reach for bad things.

I could've also eaten this cold; like a cold noodle dish.  A better substitution would have been to use whole wheat pasta, but with kids, I use what I've got.

Saturday Weigh In: 205

This picture was taken the night hubby asked if I had gained weight.  Granted I did gain 3 lbs, but this top makes me look bigger.  It is my maternity top.  I love this blousy top and it makes me look . . . well, preggers.  Despite this fact, I confessed to him that the excess of Lattes and fruit juices caused this to happen. 

This week, I cut the fruit juices and no more small, decaf, soy lattes with 7 sugars . . . and the chocolate muffin or chocolate chip coffee cake that is such a great compliment to the coffee.  I also packed my lunches or purchased sushi or salads from the local supermarket, and made sure to eat fruit for snacks.  I still have to make plans to add more veggies.  And I went from 208, down to 205 this week.  I am hoping to continue this pattern because I hope to break the 200s in February.  That would be such a great accomplishment. 

This first week in February, I have to train for the second 5K in 2010.  I am going to organize the four season room for my gym.  With 3 kids, a full time job outside of the home, and a hubby who travels, I don't have the money or ability to go to a private gym.  I have the treadmill in there and a TV with DVD player.  I was using that room before the dog had to be segregated there. I didn't want to intrude in her space.  I am excited to make a space of my own where I can store all the things that I need to make weightloss happen.

In my head . . .

I don't look like this.  Well, in reality, I do.  But in my head, I don't see this.  When I workout, I feel like those aerobics dancers/models in my DVDs.  While I am jumping or squating or planking, I feel strong . . . like the casings of fat on my arms are not there, or the extra, doughy layers of flab on my belly have melted, or the cellulite on my thighs have been sucked away.  During those workouts when I am following along to Jillian Michaels' DVDs or downward dogging with Bob Harper, I feel like the skinny girl has been released.

This week, after many months of alternating 30 Day Shred, Biggest Loser Yoga, Pilates with Mari Winsor, running on the treadmill, I branched out and have started working out with Jillian Michaels DVDs.  On sale for $9 each at Target, I purchased No More Trouble Zones and Banish Fat/Boost Metabolism.  These two are intense.  I am so proud that I was able to do these DVDs, and not pass out.

I also increased the 3 lb weights that I do with Jillian's workouts to 5 lb weights.  It may have been a bit ambitious because even Jillian stated that she was using 3 lbs because of all the reps, but I did it.

I am still staying away from the sugary lattes and the apple juices.  I am trying to eat smaller portions in meals.  I incorporated more salads and veggies and reducing the carbs.  I have to take the plunge again and eliminate the white rice that is my comfort food; more on that in a future post. 

Driving me to eat . . .

This little man is one of the reasons why I eat. My fears and frustration for his well being and future cause me to have that little something extra.  He is having a profoundly difficult time in Kindergarten.  I am being proactive with therapy appointments and Karate classes for self discipline.  He is great at home with hubby and sisters, but at school he barely interacts or talks to his classmates.  And his aggression led to an out of school suspension for the day.  The suspension was not a consequence, it was a reward.  A reward to not have to go to school and deal with everyone in his class.  I am angry and frustrated with him, with school, and with myself.  I feel like I am not doing enough, but don't have anything more I can do. 

If I hadn't packed my breakfast (1/2 c. steel cut oats with rice milk, walnuts, and cranberries with poached egg), lunch (lettuce, avocado, roasted chicken breast with low fat balsamic vinegar and grapes), snacks (apple, 10 almonds, 2 cuties tangerines, 1 banana), I would have gone for that delightful, sugary latte with the chocolate/chip/cheesecake muffin.  I cut out the lattes (and no muffin) and the fruit juices.  I am doing straight water.  I am trying to eliminate the extra calories that can easily sneak up. And I'm avoiding the delicacies that are displayed at those coffee shops.

A goal of mine is to do more vegetarian days.  In college, I lost 75 lbs by going vegetarian.  I maintained my vegetarianism for 2 years, but returned to eating meat upon dating my hubby.  However, I maintained that weight while working a full time job.  I would exercise at my local gym.  I ate healthily because I was doing preventative dieting because of a Supervisor who'd had a heart attack at the age of 36 and was on the Ornish Diet.  She encouraged me to eat healthily and exercise.  But eventually the weight gain slowly crept up soon after starting law school.  The stress of the workload and the times I dedicated to studying caused me to eat and stop exercising.  I admired the classmates that could go workout or run to manage their stress, but I couldn't.  I felt paralyzed by the pressure to succeed. 

My reaction to these recent events would have gone like this: the old me would have sat on my rear and eaten an entire box of cereal with milk; the new me packs dairy free meals, plans a workout, and writes in this here blog. 

Planning my meals . . .

My hubby asked me if I am gaining weight last night.  I had to confess that I've gained 3 lbs.  And those 3 lbs have gone straight to my stomach.  I look and feel so bloated.  And I know the culprit.  My diet for sure.  But something more specific.  Lattes.  I love soy lattes.  But that is okay, if it weren't for the 7 sugars I put in the small soy lattes.  So I quit cold turkey today.  None for at least 21 days.  I want to create a habit of not drinking them. I wasn't much of a coffee drinker to begin with.  I just seemed to get comfort from a nice hot cup of creamy, sugary, coffee.  Reminds me of my Mom who lives back East, and haven't seen since July of '09.

I've also not been packing my lunches lately.  So I will be going back to my cooking and packing of meals and snacks.  Working on portion control is key . . . and my weakness.  So I have to be very diligent about that. 

Today's Completed Workout:
50 minutes of No More Trouble Zones by Jillian Michaels.  Used 5 lb weights.  I am nuts.  The "surrender" move was a killer.  I must get myself strong enough to do them with the weights above my head.  I bought 2 Jillian DVDs tonight, each for $9. 

Tomorrow:

I hope to run for 3 miles.  Yoga, thereafter.  I love Yoga. 

Thank you so much for your support and kind words about Nika.  I am still getting used to not hearing her walk around the house or taking her outside to her run.  But we still have the warm memories.

Dealing with Loss . . .

We had to put my 12-year-old dog to sleep last night because the cancer invaded her lungs.  She had become very ill. Didn't have any appetite, lost control of her bladder, and was unable to walk.  She was so weak and slept all day and night.  I was, of course, in denial.  For almost 13 years, I took the lead in her care.  Vaccinations, kenneling, grooming . . . everything.  I told hubby that if he was so concerned over her, then he should take her to the Vet.  I didn't have a chance to say goodbye.  I have an immense amount of guilt for not being by her side and comforting her.  I am very sad, but a bit comforted by the fact that she was no longer in pain. 

But of course, I deal with my pain quite differently.  I do cry.  But I do eat to stuff the sadness down deep.  And while I did binge on things that I promised I wouldn't have today, I am fairly secure that I will just have this moment today to feel what I feel; cope as I need to; and work toward moving on tomorrow.

I didn't exercise today, not because of grief, but because I am coming down with a cold.  I am tired from Hubby's snoring keeping me awake 4 days straight.  I slept in the den where we have a pretty comfy, twin futon.  I woke up a few times waiting to hear Nika's choke chain dragging on the floor.  I felt so silly. 

So tonight I will do The Biggest Loser Weigh Loss Yoga.  It keeps me centered and focused.  I feel stronger and in control. 

First 5K Race of 2010 . . .

My goal for 2010 is to do a race a month in 2010.  I did a race this afternoon.  It was a rough one.  Remember, I don't train outside.  I ran in rain, ice, puddles, snow, and freezing cold conditions.  But I finished.  Not as great as my first 5K in October.  But I did a respectable time of 41:40.  I have to give myself credit.  I am not a skinny mini.  I don't train outdoors.  I don't have a training partner.  I am not trying to place first.  I am just trying to finish it.  I want to prove to myself and the kids that when we set out to accomplish a goal, we don't quit.  They were proud of me; even though they cheered from home.  I am pleased.  I am proud.  Now, I have to train for the Valentine's Race on February 13.  Wish me luck!

Eating Right . . .

One of my greatest issues is eating appropriately throughout the day.  I have a goal to bring my breakfast, lunch and snacks to work, so that I may eliminate making bad choices through eating out.

In September of 2009, I quit dairy.  I had to cut it out of my diet because I finally realized that my body couldn't tolerate it.  I've felt so much better ever since.  I thought it would be very hard to pass up things that contained cheese, but cheese made me cut the cheese a little too much, and I would have to know where there was a bathroom within a hundred yards.  I think that eliminating these things from my diet allowed me to lose the 7 lbs since my 5K in October.

But I struggle with appropriate portions of food.  This morning I had 1/2 c. of oatmeal cooked in 1 c. of water with walnuts and cranberries.  I didn't add any sugar.  I only measured out the water and oats, but "feel" that I didn't go overboard on the nuts, however fattening, are a good source of healthy fat and protein.  The cranberries were a substitute for the brown sugar that I am tempted to include, but won't dare.  I also had a banana.  Filling.

This should keep me going until lunch.  However, I've experienced days when I still want to snack in between meals, and if I don't bring a healthy snack, then I am up to the snack bar to find something sweet . . . preferably with chocolate.  And there are the days when I check the clock every hour to see if I am any closer to lunch.  I realize those are the days when I am uber bored or anxious.  Today, with my workout out of the way, is not one of those days . . . yet!

For lunch today is leftovers.  Rice, steak and peas.  My weakness, white rice.  I had to quit white rice for a bit and substituted with brown rice.  Let me just say that there is no substitution for white rice.  It is divine.  I want to be buried on a body pillow of white rice.  Yum.  But I do plan to eat the brown rice.  I find that I don't indulge in second servings of brown rice. Who wants to have seconds of that . . . blech!  I even ate sushi with brown rice last week, so it is doable.

My plan is to menu plan. If I am more organized, then I am sure that I can consume the amount of calories, protein, fats, that my body needs, and not "craves" or "wants desperately to indulge in".


5 a.m. workout: 
25 minutes of 30 Day Shred, level I.  Wishin I could look like Anita.
20 minute jog on treadmill.
10 minute walk on treadmill.

Evening workout planned:
Yoga

Running Start . . .

It is difficult to start this blog. I've had a love-hate relationship with my body. I've loved to stuff it with food. And I've hated the results that come with stuffing it with all the wrong things, and not moving my body enough to naturally burn the excess. In June of 2009, I decided to train for a 5K to be run in October. I ran that race and finished third to last. I've lost about 14 lbs. But there is a problem.

I have 55 lbs to lose. I call myself a "fat athlete", but the truth is. I am just fat. I fake the funk. I exercise in the mornings, but I eat more calories than I burn. I still have issues with committment. I'm afraid of actually winning the fight against fat. I haven't hit rock bottom because I kid myself into thinking I am comfortable and safe to be this way.

I am hoping to lose the weight that I gained within the last 15 years since first losing 75 lbs during the summer before my junior year at University. And I am hoping that I commit to losing the 55 lbs. I can't blame it on having babies. I usually lost that weight within a few months.

The goal is to lose the weight through consistent exercises that I enjoy, such as running, circuit training, and Yoga; preparing and packing my daily meals and snacks; and journaling my journey. I want to allow myself to misstep, but I won't allow myself to give up. I am hoping that this blog can help me stop stuffing my feelings.