Thursday, January 28, 2010

Driving me to eat . . .

October 24

This little man is one of the reasons why I eat. My fears and frustration for his well being and future cause me to have that little something extra.  He is having a profoundly difficult time in Kindergarten.  I am being proactive with therapy appointments and Karate classes for self discipline.  He is great at home with hubby and sisters, but at school he barely interacts or talks to his classmates.  And his aggression led to an out of school suspension for the day.  The suspension was not a consequence, it was a reward.  A reward to not have to go to school and deal with everyone in his class.  I am angry and frustrated with him, with school, and with myself.  I feel like I am not doing enough, but don't have anything more I can do. 

If I hadn't packed my breakfast (1/2 c. steel cut oats with rice milk, walnuts, and cranberries with poached egg), lunch (lettuce, avocado, roasted chicken breast with low fat balsamic vinegar and grapes), snacks (apple, 10 almonds, 2 cuties tangerines, 1 banana), I would have gone for that delightful, sugary latte with the chocolate/chip/cheesecake muffin.  I cut out the lattes (and no muffin) and the fruit juices.  I am doing straight water.  I am trying to eliminate the extra calories that can easily sneak up. And I'm avoiding the delicacies that are displayed at those coffee shops.

A goal of mine is to do more vegetarian days.  In college, I lost 75 lbs by going vegetarian.  I maintained my vegetarianism for 2 years, but returned to eating meat upon dating my hubby.  However, I maintained that weight while working a full time job.  I would exercise at my local gym.  I ate healthily because I was doing preventative dieting because of a Supervisor who'd had a heart attack at the age of 36 and was on the Ornish Diet.  She encouraged me to eat healthily and exercise.  But eventually the weight gain slowly crept up soon after starting law school.  The stress of the workload and the times I dedicated to studying caused me to eat and stop exercising.  I admired the classmates that could go workout or run to manage their stress, but I couldn't.  I felt paralyzed by the pressure to succeed. 

My reaction to these recent events would have gone like this: the old me would have sat on my rear and eaten an entire box of cereal with milk; the new me packs dairy free meals, plans a workout, and writes in this here blog. 

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