Thursday, March 4, 2010
Helpless . . .
I was a bit crabby this week, and had quite a tantrum. I refused to eat well. I refused to exercise. I was plain, old angry with everything. Frustrated! I just wanted to allow myself some time to get that emotion out before I once again follow the path on this journey. I've been thinking of ways to get out of this funk. Kinda hard to do when I "think" I am doing all the right things. I know that I am not. So, I am working on a plan to revitalize my enthusiasm for getting up at 4:50 a.m. to start working out at 5:00 a.m.; pack my meals; and de-stress. I feel pulled in so many directions and when that happens, I shut down and "stuff" myself with food for comfort; like last night's reception and buffet food. It was a smorgasbord, and I lived it up. And yes, I feel "yuck"!
There are so many things that fall on my shoulders and I am just tired. Exhausted! Emotionally and physically. If I can't do it "right", then I don't want to do it at all. And that isn't what I want to teach my children. Tonight I will try to do 30 Day Shred and Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga, so I can center myself. While I hesitate to call it "depression" because I am not stuck in bed with the covers over my head, I am willing to call myself in a highly functioning depressive state.
One thing that may cheer me up is buying two things from my Wishlist. Just the thing I need.